Once Upon A Time, There Was A Spirit Sword Mountain Chapter 33: Sleeping with a Stunning Beauty, but Only Spending Time Touching Oneself...

Chapter 33: Sleeping with a Stunning Beauty, but Only Spending Time Touching Oneself...

Translator: Subudai11 Editor: Chrissy

Since two years ago, Wang Lu knew that the Lady Boss was a person of her words. Once she said she would teach him, she wouldn’t take it back.

After having their lunch under the tree, the Lady Boss packed up the bowls and chopsticks into the food box and then said, “Okay, let’s get started.”

“Start what?”

“Of course, it’s training martial art! Since we can’t start in the morning, we might as well start now. Think of this as a way to speed up your digestion. Come with me.”

The Lady Boss turned around and walked along a rugged road slanted upward, seemingly without a certain destination. Wang Lu simply followed behind her in silence.

The two of them walked in tandem on the Misty Peak, traveling rapidly. Although the Lady Boss was carrying a bulky food box filled with fragile dishware, she didn’t seem to be burdened by it. Moreover, the box didn’t even shake, and there was no sound of colliding dishware, which showed her profound lightness Kung Fu.

As for Wang Lu, their difference in skill was far too much. Although he did long distance hiking everyday for two years and had superhuman endurance, but he was not a martial artist. His climbing movement was not natural. He even needed to use his four limbs in order for him to keep up with the Lady Boss.

After climbing for half an hour, they passed the grotesquely-shaped jagged rocks, went through the Peach Blossom Forest, and finally stopped in the middle of nowhere.

“Not bad, you can still keep up without losing your breath! No monkeys can climb better than you!”

Wang Lu clapped his hands on the mud. “As a mountain boy, my special skill in chasing away the wild monkey is certainly amazing.”

“Your special skill is too tasteless! However, this also proves that you haven’t wasted your two years, your foundation is very solid. That being the case, what we’re going to do next is very simple. I will directly pass onto you a peerless skill. The only problem is, it’s going to be a little exhausting.”

Wang Lu laughed. “It doesn’t matter, I can handle it. But, don’t you think I am a bit late to start learning martial arts?”

The Lady Boss confidently patted her chest. “Don’t compare me with those mediocre martial artists. Not to mention you’re only fourteen now, even if you’re forty, it’s not going to be too late for you to start training with me!”

“Why do I feel your words seem familiar to me…?”


Wang Lu and the Lady Boss talked and laughed merrily at the beginning, but when the Lady Boss started getting serious and imparted him the outside martial art called “Divine Skill of Subduing the Dragon”, Wang Lu almost gave up.

The Divine Skill of Subduing the Dragon was not a complicated skill. It has a total of sixteen sets, divided into thirty movements, but… the movement was difficult, even outright outrageous. The person who created this Kung Fu set must have had a great deal of hatred towards humanity because each movement was designed to be against the common sense—whether it was to turn the joint outward or to tear the ligament as a way to stretch the body. Wang Lu thought that the three words “Subduing the Dragon” probably meant that the dragon itself would be subdued halfway through the training if it tried to train this set.

Of course, although this Kung Fu set was anti-human, there were no shortage of peerless martial arts masters with anti-human Kung Fu set. The Lady Boss performed the whole sixteen set in a single stretch without missing a beat, which made Wang Lu highly suspect whether the girl ate any strange fruit while she was still a child, and thus causing all her limbs and joints to be freely moved and stretched at will in all directions.

“All right, those are all the complete sixteen sets of the Divine Skill of Subduing the Dragon, what do you think?” The Lady Boss laughed after she finished this set of anti-human skill. “How much can you remember?”  

“Master, I have already forgotten half of it. Should I forget all of it to master this set? If so, please give another two minutes…” [1]

“The hell! Are you kidding me!”

“Because I don’t want to add this anti-human set into my memory. Master, do you have a more reasonable Kung Fu set?”

Like an artist that was being denied its artistic attainment by an average person, Lady Boss went furious. “What does a kid like you know! Do you know how many people in the mortal world dreams of learning even just half of this Subduing the Dragon set? Go practice this set! Otherwise, you won’t get any meal from me in the future!”

“Damn, threatening to cut the meal, that’s a low blow, master, a low blow!”

Facing such a threat, Wang Lu finally got serious and began to practice the set.

Although his heart was a thousand times unwilling, when Wang Lu seriously began to train, his progress was surprisingly fast.

The Lady Boss had actually just demonstrated the complete set to him once, but every action and movement from that set had already been deeply engraved in his mind… Of course, this could be because those anti-human set of movements were too shocking.

But when Wang Lu easily completed the first three moves, even the Lady Boss was caught by surprise. “Not bad, you’re actually this flexible.”

Wang Lu feebly replied, “You’re the flabby one!” [2]

“Hmm, since you can easily complete the first few moves, we can speed up your training. Let’s combine the move with the breathing exercise. Okay, pay attention to my instruction…”

This time, the difficulty increased a lot. Although Wang Lu could smoothly execute those anti-human moves of the Divine Skill of Subduing the Dragon with his physical condition, but when the Lady Boss asked to combine it with the breathing routine, Wang Lu suddenly felt like he was being pressed by a huge mountain. The breathing routine seemed to have no rules whatsoever; sometimes it was fast, sometimes it was slow, and sometimes it was like a hailstorm, which nearly overwhelmed him. When it slowed, it was so drawn-out that he nearly suffocated. It was more like intentionally giving someone a hard time rather than a breathing exercise.

However, not long after, Wang Lu felt that there seemed to be a particular stream of energy which methodically flowed throughout various parts of his body according to the Lady Boss’s breathing exercise instruction.

Whenever that stream of energy flew past a body part, the muscles in that area began to slightly shiver, expand and contract. Although the magnitude wasn’t large, it covered all the muscles in his body, which when combined with the movements of the set, consumed immense physical exertion. Sweat poured out all over his body, and his heart beat like crazy.

Seeing his “streaming with sweat” condition, the Lady Boss expressed her admiration. “Wow, your body's response is really quick! Your ability to sense the stream of energy is really sharp! In the mortal world, you’ll be a rare martial arts prodigy.”

Wang Lu fought back his breathing discomfort and said, “Damn, even in the Immortal Cultivation World, with my Void Spirit Root, I am still a rare prodigy!”

“Yeah, yeah, a rare collection specimen…” The Lady Boss curled her lips. “Okay, since this exercise had made you, this wild monkey, tired like a dog, I think that’s enough for today. Go back and take a rest. When your strength is restored, you can practice again. After you master this Divine Skill of Subduing the Dragon, I will teach you several more fighting methods. With your intelligence and talent, I believe that within a month, you can win a fight against Zhu Qin’s gang members in a duel.”

“What the! A month of hard training and I can only win a one-on-one fight against a minion? In the past two years, I had been left behind by so many people! Oh my dear Master, shouldn’t you compensate for my loss of youth!”


That night, Wang Lu dragged his body back to the Non-Phase Peak and immediately fell asleep. Early the next morning, his whole body ached so much that he wished he could die right then.

However, when he remembered that he hadn’t had his breakfast yet, Wang Lu forced himself to get up and hobbled to the living room. He then unflinchingly swept away the steamed bun, pickles, thin porridge and a slice of ham from the table.

After breakfast, he cleaned the dishes and pushed open his Master’s door. Sure enough, drowning in alcohol, his Master, as always, slept like a dead dog. Her whole white dress was unexpectedly spotless, yet while sprawling on the bed, her sleeping posture caused a lot of her bare skin to reveal itself. Objectively, this Fifth Elder could be considered as a rare beauty… But of course, if one also considered her temperament and other factors, then she would suddenly become a repulsive monster.

In the Immortal Cultivator World, many young cultivators were enraptured by her beauty, but unfortunately, after two years, Wang Lu was already tired of looking at her bare skin. After casting her a glance to make sure that she was still alive, Wang Lu closed her door again, too lazy to continue looking at her “scenery”. Because there was no schedule at the Teng Cloud Hall for today, he planned on spending his day training on the Non-Phase Peak. According to the Lady Boss, the more he persisted on training this Divine Skill of Subduing the Dragon despite the fatigue, the more he could achieve.

As for the place to practice, he could simply use the open space outside the wooden hut. Besides the one who slept like a dead dog inside the room, the other Elders provided their Successor Disciples a special training field. Some even provided their Successor Disciples with a realm!

After he stretched his body a bit, he then endured the pain on his limbs as if they were torn. Wang Lu began to move according to the Lady Boss’s pointers from yesterday. One by one, he performed the full sixteen sets of the Divine Skill of Subduing the Dragon. Although he didn’t combine it with the breathing routine, the set of moves itself was already a very good workout method.

After he had finished the complete set of moves, Wang Lu felt that the aching of his body had been reduced by several points. He couldn’t help but acknowledge that this mortal world’s martial art did work wonders. His obeisance to the Lady Boss yesterday was not in vain, especially when compared to his still-sleeping-inside-the-house-pretty-hot teacher!

While thinking, he continued to perform the complete set of moves from the beginning again and again. In any case, he didn’t have any schedule for today.

However, while he was in the middle of doing this routine, a lazy groan of a woman came from the house, “Oh… My head… It hurts…”

“Haha, feeling hangover right? You big retard! You embezzled your poor disciple’s subsidy to buy a few hundreds of spirit stones worth of wine daily, so you get what you deserve!”

However, the Fifth Elder was indeed the Fifth Elder; she only needed to meditate a bit, and all of her hangovers completely left her system.

“Yes, drink hard and sleep hard! Haha! Two days after this, I am going to get wasted again!”

As she spoke, the woman strode out of the house and immediately stopped in her track, dumbfounded, because she saw Wang Lu in the middle of performing the Subduing the Dragon moves.

“Huh, little Wang Lu, what are you doing?”

Wang Lu snappily replied, “The Hell! Can’t you see I am in the middle of practicing martial art!”

“Martial art?” The Fifth Elder was puzzled. “What martial art? When did I teach you martial art?”

“Damn! You b*tch, you have the nerve to say this! You never taught me any Kung Fu in two years! Everyday, you only let me run and take that damn bath! Are you teaching your disciple or raising a pig!”

Fifth Elder was engrossed with his moves, so after observing him for a while, she tried to emulate his posture. But then, she couldn’t help but doubt. “Why do I feel like this is a mortal world’s martial art?”

Being watched like that made him feel uncomfortable, so Wang Lu simply stopped the routine and said, “Yes, it is. I run into an expert at the foot of the mountain. When that person knew that I have been living as a disciple in the Spirit Sword Sect for two years yet I can only run like a monkey, that person imparted me a peerless martial art out of sympathy.”

The Fifth Elder could only gawk for quite a while, and then she stomped her feet in anger and said, “Expert my ass! Teaching a mortal world’s martial art to a Successor Disciple of an Immortal Cultivation Sect? Who came up with this retarded idea? Little Wang Lu, you fool, why don’t you consult with your great Master first before looking for a charlatan to teach you a mortal world’s martial art? You, you ate too much food from that “Starry Sky” chef, so you’ve lost your mind!”

Wang Lu angrily replied, “I knew it! You f*cking knew what kind of food they serve at the Misty Peak cafeteria, yet you still gave me the long term meal ticket there! Anyway, regardless if that person is a charlatan or not, that person’s Kung Fu is real! Rather than wasting my time with you like in the past two years, I might as well practice this peerless Kung Fu!”

The Fifth Elder was inexplicably surprised. “You, you actually compare me with this charlatan?”

“Do you think you’re even on the same level as that person?”

Before Wang Lu could continue his taunt, his teacher angrily interrupted him.

“You who-have-eyes-but-fail-to-see-idiot! Do you really think I spent these two years being lazy and not caring for you?”

Wang Le sneered. “Then why don’t Master swear a big heart devil oath? If you didn’t make an all-out effort to educate and teach your disciple in the past two years, then from now on, you will give up drinking and all of your bad habits, and follow the life example of Disciplinary Elder Fang He!”

The Fifth Elder’s beautiful face went pale. “Gi-give up drinking? Wh-who taught you this sinister oath!?”

“Hehe, are you afraid, Master? Feeling guilty?”

“Sh*t! I… forget how to do that kind of big heart devil oath, that’s all.”

“The hell! You have the nerve to came up with this sh*tty excuse! Do you have any shame at all!”

Being cornered by her beloved disciple, the Fifth Elder’s face turned red in anger out of shame. “You! You talk so much! Simply because you question my way of teaching, right? That’s simple, why don’t you bring your fake master here and you’ll see me kick that person’s ass!”

Wang Lu seemed surprised. “Master, how could you say that! You’re a dignified Jindan Stage Cultivator, how could a mere mortal world’s martial artist fare against you?”

The Fifth Elder fumed. “Of course I am not going to use my cultivation skill against a mortal! We’re going to have a fair fight!”

“Haha, what a beautiful plan Master! When the time comes, you will pretend to lose the fight. But actually, you’ll use that opportunity to kick me out, so you can be free again…”

Before he finished his words, the Fifth Elder interrupted him again. This time, she couldn’t think straight anymore. “If I lose, you can do whatever you want! I’ll even be your meat toilet if that’s what you want!”

“It’s a deal!”

After a few minutes of self-reflection, Fifth Elder realized that she seemed to have fallen into his beloved disciple’s trick.

However, how could a simple trick from a child who has yet to see the world amount to something? “Hmph, he wants to learn a mortal world’s martial art, not realizing that he’s receiving a great education from the Spirit Sword Mountain!”

“This is like having a beautiful woman sleep with him, but he just spends his time masturbating! I must teach this idiot disciple well after this!”


[1] This refers to the novel Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre from Jin Yong. When Zhang San Feng imparted the Tai Chi Sword to Zhang Wuji, the more he forgets the set movement, the more he master the set.

[2] Flexible and flabby sounds similar in Chinese.

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